What is being domestic?

Is it synonymous with being a woman? An antonym with being a “modern educated woman”?

I grew up in Argentina, where many of my friend’s mothers stayed at home to make dinner, clean the house, do the grocery shopping. Be domestic. Some had jobs, and there wasn’t huge pressure to quit your job when you got married. But there was a lot of pressure for a woman to clean the house and make dinner, and look nice while doing it, regardless of the job situation.  Then we moved to the United States when I was 13 years old, where it seemed like making dinner from scratch or brushing the grout between bathroom tiles was a lot harder, considering the long work hours and commutes for everyone.

While we lived in Argentina, my mom was mostly a homemaker, working on real-estate management but having a lot of time to cook, clean and work on various projects around the house (including sowing beautiful dance costumes, but more on that later). For that matter, my dad was self-employed and also had time to make additions to the house or work on our back yard. This situation instilled in me a sense of the importance of the home and of doing things yourself from scratch. When we moved to the U.S., both my parents had busy full time jobs and things changed a bit, although there was still an emphasis on prioritizing home and domesticity.

It has been a struggle for me at times to balance work and being domestic, going from jobs I’ve had with very long commutes, to jobs with very long and crazy hours, to finally a more consistent job but also a lot of activities. I’m finding that I still place being domestic high on the list of priorities, but work is also important, so I have to find a balance. Snow days and weekends help a lot, because I get a lot done. I’ve also learned from my mom that at different times in your life, priorities may change. She was very domestic for 13 years, but had worked full time for a decade before and worked for another decade after. You can sew your own Halloween costumes, but also work a six day week! It just takes a lot of planning and time management.

Ultimately, I consider being domestic important because to me you spend energy on the things you love, and I love my home, cats and husband  so I want to spend energy on the food we eat, the rooms we live in, and the things we use. I’d rather spend that extra effort on making homemade cupcakes for a birthday even if it means I don’t spend a lot of money on them. Because time and energy are precious resources and they show how much you care.

Here are my thoughts and ideas as I attempt to balance work, husband, friends, family, passions and hobbies and being domestic while not going crazy! And tips I’ve learned that have helped me balance it all a bit…